It's funny how life happens...

Well it's been a long time, blog. Last time we talked I was pregnant and just feeling bean kick. Now bean jumps on me and kicks me from the outside, talks up a storm.. and makes me melt as a mother.

On November 11, 2009 I went to my post dates ultrasound and biophysical profile. My doctor had told me that if my AFI (amniotic fluid index) was less than 7 he was going to keep me and induce me with cervidil overnight with pitocin in the morning. We packed bags (just in case) and went on our merry way. While watching the ultrasound I noticed it looked like baby was against all sides of the uterus with no fluid to be measured... but what do I know? ;) The tech continued to search all over and was able to find a measurable pocket between the baby's chin and chest. I joked when she finished and said "well, the magic number was 7, what was it?" and she answered "3". My heart sunk.. I knew we were heading to have a baby but even though overdue I couldn't help but feeling like it wasn't time.

Over to L&D we headed.. and had cervidil inserted. While it made me crampy it didn't cause any significant discomfort. We didn't tell anyone we were there because we didn't need the constant texting and questions from people at home waiting. We both got broken sleep and before cervidil I was a fingertip dilated.. but bean's head had been at a 0 station for months.

The next morning I was 1cm dilated, no big change at all. I had high hopes we would be able to break my water, and I'd be able to walk myself into labor but my doctor wasn't so sure (and he's the doctor I hired and I trusted his judgement). They started pitocin and from my own knowledge as a labor and delivery nurse (oh wait, did I miss that part?? I got a full time L&D position, we built a brand new house, and everything was wonderful!) I had thought I needed to be 3cm to get an epidural so that's what I was aiming for. At some point, I decided to get into the tub and it was the best idea ever. I stayed there for a few hours.. breathing through contractions. They got significantly worse and my nurse came in to increase the dose and I asked her not to. Mandy and I had gone to nursing school together and I'd known her for quite some time. I told her that if she turned it up (It was already at 20!) that I'd lose all ability to cope and I'd be no good to anyone. I also asked her to let anesthesia know I wanted an epidural. I got out of the tub, and once the water dropped below my belly it was like all hell broke lose. I was crying, wailing, moaning. It was pretty awful.... but for some reason between contractions I thought showering would be a great idea. So off I went into the shower and I'm shampooing my hair and BAM.. another one hit. I was hanging from the shower doors like a gorilla, moaning and crying. Back to bed I went and anesthesia came in to do my epidural. My doctor came in to check on me and I told him we couldn't be friends anymore.. and asked why he let me do this. LOL. Side note, Chris said he waited all 10cm for me to tell him I hated him and it was all his fault.

So, epidural in (and ridiculously dense.. I ended up having anesthesia turn the pump down twice because I couldn't even feel my chin at first), my doc came in and checked me. 3cm. REALLY?! all that.. and only 3cm? He broke my water.. or lack thereof. I looked down and it was barely a puddle. Oh well, that's why I was here anyway! So about 45 minutes later Mandy (my labor nurse) was in my room and I looked at her and said "This kid is doing something in there.. it feels weird". She looked at me and shook her head like I was crazy. So I waited through another contraction and told her "I think it's turning it's head".. she said "Don't be THAT nurse". Hahahahahaha. I knew EXACTLY what she meant, but told her I wasn't joking. So she said she'd check me to make me feel better................................... Complete. NO cervix, 10cm. She just blinked at me. I went from 3-10cm in 45 minutes.

She told me pushing would likely take a while since it was my first and I had been so numb and still had dead legs. She asked me to give a push, then told me to stop and put the call light on and asked for the doctor and a table. YAY!

10 minutes later I became a mother to the most beautiful child in the world. I quickly asked "well?? boy or girl?" but everyone was too busy admiring how adorable the baby was. Finally Chris looked at me and said ..........................................


"It's a boy... we have a son." with tears in his eyes. It was the most beautiful moment of my life thus far.

Owen Robert was born November 12, 2009 @ 4:41pm.

He is now coming up quickly on his 2nd birthday.. although I'm not sure how that happened because I feel like just yesterday I was nursing him in the hospital bed.

On my first mother's day (May 2010) Chris asked me to marry him and now we have a wedding planned for June 2, 2012. It really is funny how life happens. I am truly blessed.

Everybody's workin for the weekend...

So I started a new job this week.. basically I work 7a-5p Monday thru Friday. I work at an OB/GYN office which is fabulous. Things are going well, it's just a big adjustment for me. I miss Chris, I miss the dogs, but hey.. this is life.

The other new thing this week is feeling bean move. It is nothing like people tell me. A lot of girls on my message board said it feels like flutters, or a balloon touching your belly. Nope, not my baby.. hahaha. I went to bend over to pick something up from under my desk and this baby went NUTS. Tossing and turning and rolling.. he/she was NOT happy with the situation. So I sat back and laughed. One of our docs walked by and asked what was going on. I told her that although people say it's like flutters.. this baby punches/kicks. I explained it to her and she said "Then YUP.. that's the baby" :) It is truly amazing to feel this baby move, we are truly blessed. I've been consistently finding the heartbeat on the doppler I have here at home and have only been using it once a week because that is also on the list of things the bean does not like... but tough! ;)

Last night was date night since I worked like a slave all week. We did the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, it was delish. Too bad at 8:30pm on the drive home I was already passing out sitting up in the car. We got home, and I went right to sleep. It totally kills your weekends when you're so exhausted you just crave your pillow and bed. I know that things will get better and in about six months, I will have the ability to stay home with bean, and honestly I couldn't ask for anything more.

So today's update is that we are doing well, things are going great, and we are moving through our fourth month of pregnancy. Althought I do love being pregnant now, I really can't wait to meet this little person I'm growing in my womb.

Much Needed Update

Well, it's been far too long since my last update. The first trimester was (YES, WAS!) exhausting for me. I found it overwhelming to get dressed, and even shower. Thankfully, I'm starting to feel better and I even start a new job on Monday!!

I am 12 weeks 2 days pregnant today! We had an ultrasound for our first trimester screen today and baby is actually measuring 3 days ahead! GROW BEAN GROW!! Chris and his mom both came today since she's a teacher and has the week off from school. It turned out to be a great appointment.. they said the nuchal fold was so thin it was difficult to even measure it which is fabulous! My great uncle had down's syndrome so they would like to do this test even though it would not affect our choice to have this baby.

I think part of my reasoning for not updating my blog was the gut wrenching fear that I would jinx myself and the baby by saying things were going well. At the urging of girls on my boards I am here now to show you all how beautiful bean has gotten and how wonderful this pregnancy has gone especially since the doctors had a "gut feeling" I would miscarry. We're really showing them!!

So here goes.. here is my belly ..

6w3d: 12 weeks even:

and here is Bean... at 12w2d but measuring ahead. :)

Bean is clearly showing you "dis.. is mah toes!"

and here is bean's face profile being dramatic with his/her hand on their forehead.

We are truly blessed and we know this. We know this baby is nothing short of a miracle, and we embrace that. I promise to be more diligent about updating but since I'll be working lots of hours expect an update about once a week with a belly shot and all ;) Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

Long time.. lots of updating.

The day after Chris' surgery we were having another u/s and weren't sure if he'd be up to going. Turns out he was DETERMINED to see the bean and he did, in fact, make it. We saw bean's BEAUTIFUL heartbeat.. beating at 129 bpm!! Truly amazing. This baby is a miracle for us, and we know we are blessed.

Baby Bean at 6 weeks...

Baby Bean at 7 weeks....

We have told all of our friends/family at this point and the general concensus is excitement. We told my step mother last night and although she was shocked at first and after explaination she was super excited and even expressed interest in being in the delivery room. We're very happy but cautiously so. Some of our friends who were due the same week suffered a terrible loss of their pregnancy last week and that really hits home. I'm keeping them in our thoughts and prayers along with our own little one.

Pregnancy is much different than I imagined. I'm more than excited to have a life growing inside of me, but it is draining. Today i'm suffering from some sort of head cold/infection. I'm sick, I'm not sleeping well, and this baby just drains my energy. I truly hope I'm feeling significantly more awake and energetic when I start work in a few weeks. Right now our upcoming appointments include another ultrasound on 4/6 (1 day shy of 9 weeks) and my appointment for cultures, and pap smears and other fun-ness on the 27th. I will try to be better about updating... but I've been feeling like complete crapola so bear with me :)

Nerves

Beta 3/13: 2055.6
Progesterone: 12

Beta 3/15: 4400!
Progesterone: 16

Grow baby grow!

Today has been filled with nerves. Chris had surgery this morning. He had a septoplasty, a turbinate reduction and uvuloplasty. For those of you who don't speak medical jargon that means they went in his nostrils, cut stuff out, re-shaped it and cut off the hangy ball in the back of his throat. This was all done to treat sleep apnea. He had a somewhat mild/moderate case but really would rather have it over and done with. He's bleeding a lot from his nose and has a dressing over it that I'm changing every half hour to 45 minutes. I guess that's a benefit to your girlfriend being a nurse. He seems to be sore but not much pain... he's due for pain meds again in about 45 minutes. The doctor told him the pain will get worse in the next 72 hours. Unfortunately this means that Chris may not get to come with me tomorrow to the ultrasound. Part of me wants him to stay home and be safe, part of me doesn't want him to miss what (hopefully) will be an important day, part of me doesn't want him to be home alone, and part of me knows if we get bad news that I don't want him to be having to ride in the car, etc. It has been a nervewracking day.

It's hard for me. I think I read too much into things. The message a nurse from my dr's office left on my voicemail today said "just want to make sure you know the signs/symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy." Why won't they even PRETEND to have hope? I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but it's difficult given our position. I don't think Chris will feel like he can breathe easily until we see a heartbeat. He was so heartbroken when they told us this baby wasn't going to make it. I just hope tomorrow if he can't come that when I get home I'll have pictures to show him of "baby bean". I'm going to pray more tonight.. for us.. for this baby, for our family... and hope that God knows what's right. This baby is a blessing to us... I just pray we get to meet him/her and tell them this in person.

The Power of Prayer

So at my last update, the doctor had labeled this a miscarriage. My level was 405 and my D&C was scheduled for today Friday the 13th. On Wednesday the nurse called with my beta level and told me "756" I sat there with my mouth agape. That's more than 85% increase. I asked her what the next step was and she said "probably the same thing" meaning my D&C was still on. I told her no thanks and asked her to cancel it. My progesterone had dropped from 22 to 8.7 to 7.9. I asked Dr. T to call in progesterone suppositories for me just in case. Over the next 48 hours I had a million thoughts run through my head. Dr. T still thought it would be a miscarriage but wouldn't do a D&C because he couldn't rule out that it still might be a viable pregnancy. SOO.. more bloodwork was ordered for today.
We have had people all over the world praying for us. CYC/NEBYC/YLC people, people from my message boards, complete strangers, friends, and family. I have prayed harder for this baby than I've ever prayed in my entire life. Not only did I pray to god, but I also asked my dad to help. He knows how much I've always wanted to be a mother and how appropriate would it have been for him to also have a hand in this?

So today I waited around with knots in my stomach waiting for 1:30pm to roll around. At just after noon, the phone rang, I was SHOCKED. It is lunchtime at the office so why would they be calling? The nurse on the other end asked how I was doing, and I told her okay. She proceeded with "well, the numbers are going up" and I waited. Up could have been 1000 or even 800. So I sucked it up and asked the question. "What was the level?" She answered..... 2055.8. That is more than doubling!!!!!!!!!!!! The power of prayer is amazing. My progesterone level is up to 12 which is better since I've been using the progesterone supplements. Please keep praying! We are ecstatic, but cautiously so. We're hoping for the best but preparing for the worst... our ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday and we are hoping to see a sac and maybe a baby bean... please keep your fingers crossed! GROW BABY GROW!!!

So true...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ


.......Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.

I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,What I'd give up!

I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."



Thank you to Jamie for sharing this with me. <3