The Official Results are IN!

I swear that Dr. T is psychic. I was picking up the phone to call him about something and it rang. It was him. Calling to say that my one tube is clear of any obstructions and that I didn't regrow a right tube which is also good. I told him the procedure hurt like hell and he said yeah, some people have that experience. I also expressed my concern about the cost of the RE and he said that sounded a little ridiculous, considering they wouldn't even BOOK the appointment til the $300 was paid. So I opted to do clomid next cycle to make me ovulate, and if that isn't successful I will then have enough money saved to pursue IUI. Either way, this is a step in the right direction. Even the old doctor agreed that I cannot stay in this state much longer without risking the health of my reproductive system. The clomid has been called in and I will pick it up before the cruise next week. Should I have a 17 day cycle again, I will have it available to start taking days 3-7 of next cycle, and if I have an actual ovulatory cycle I will hopefully get pregnant without it.
So to recap, tube is clear, clomid is prescribed. HSGs have a high chance of pregnancy post procedure because a lot of times they blow any tissue out of the tube making it super clear. So let's hope it's either this cycle or next!!

HSG

This morning at about 8:30am I received the call that they had availability to do my HSG but today and today only. I asked about the latest appointment they had and was told 2pm. I booked it late in hopes that Chris could duck out of work early to come with me. Thankfully, this was the case.

After receiving my oh so stylish johnny and robe, I changed.. leaving on my Nike Shox per the nurses request. Strange. I got on the table, and was informed that the plastic speculums were on backorder. OH THE THRILL. The freezing cold metal speculum was the least of the procedure. The breaching my cervix was one of the most awful feelings ever.. until they inflated the catheter balloon in my uterus. I screamed in pain and they proceeded to check placement and inject dye. For approximately three minutes I pondered if death would have been a better situation. To say it was painful is putting it mildly. I nearly broke Chris' fingers while squeezing in pain. Looking back now, I wonder if some of the pain was because the spot they inject and the amount used is for two tubes. I only have one. Possibly the amount of fluid increased the pressure and the scar tissue where my right tube used to be was stretched? Anything is possible but the bottom line is that my one healthy tube is just that... healthy. From what the doctor could tell, it is free of occlusions. Thank the lord for this positive news.

On that note, I feel like someone drove a mack truck through my cervix so I'm going to take it easy.. I'll update as I know more info. xox

The Cost of Infertility

As I sit here tonight thinking about the HSG test this week, I began to think more about cost. Not just financial, but physical and emotional also. Unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover infertility, and the reproductive endocrinologist needs $300 up front just to book my appointment. The cost of the IUI could be close to $10,000 and to be honest, that's $10,000 up front. We don't have that kind of money and because we're not married, his insurance will not cover the costs either. He's going to be scheduling a sperm analysis this week to make sure that his end wont be another obstacle on this road. We attended my god daughter's birthday party today and I catch a lot of flack from her and her family. She's 26 and has two girls (8 and 5) and I'm 26 and have no children. We often dreamed about our children growing up together and now I half joke that by the time I'm able to have children, hers will be old enough to babysit.
For her this journey was easy... they had no difficulty conceiving and have two beautiful healthy children. So to hear her say how it's my turn to have children, hurts. We left there and I haven't said much since. It's disheartening to me to think that teens worldwide get pregnant "accidentally" and here I am struggling.
The truth of the matter is that this is taking an incredible toll on me emotionally and physically. The heavy bleeding every two weeks is extremely painful and draining. I have iron deficiency anemia so the bleeding is making it much worse. I'm always cold, and fatigued.
Emotionally it also hurts. I wanted to do things in the right order.... meet someone, get engaged, buy a house, get married, plan a family. It hurts me more and more that this isn't an option for me anymore. It also hurts that people just assume I'm CHOOSING this route. I get a lot of the "shouldn't you be married first?" sure, we should. Truth is, I really wish this was the case. I think it is just all very overwhelming to me. Sometimes I'm not sure Chris even gets it. I guess that I'm just extremely hormonal and emotional and I'm venting. Afterall, that is why I created this blog. I just wish that for once in my life, something would be easy.

The Beginning

As I begin the main stretch of my journey into motherhood, I felt the need to express my feelings regarding the past four years of my struggle. It hasn't been easy up til now and it won't be easy still looking forward. Without too much back peddling I'd like to share my history, the beginning of my story.
At the age of twelve and the brink of puberty, it was quite apparent that something was abnormal. Although I didn't know the impact of the situation at the time, I knew I was different, and not in a good way. To say that my first period was miserable, was an understatement. I was dismissed from school mid-day and spent the rest of day in bed. This day turned into days, and eventually snowballed into about a week every month. I was bleeding heavily with my cycle, and the pain was really overwhelming. My parents thought it was just new to me and that it would soon prove to be a normal adjustment.
This wasn't the case at all. Middle school was torture and I was accused of exaggerating. I was put on birth control to "help" and although it regulated my cycles, it barely took the edge off of my pain. I would spend many days in school hunched over my desk in pain, and no amount of motrin or midol was helping. Just a year into high school, and living with my father, someone finally listened. It was clear to my father that this wasn't a normal situation. Nearly six days a month I was struggling to get out of bed and move, nevermind attend school. He took me to the doctor and began to ask questions. Only two more cycles in, I was scheduled for a laproscopic surgery to "have a look."
The results of the surgery were this: My suffering wasn't in my head. I had Endometriosis. Most forms of Endometriosis are treatable to a point. The lesions can be removed and there are also hormonal treatments. I was different. My lesions weren't removable, they were microscopic. This was just the beginning of my battle.
Fast forward many (twelve) years later and here I sit. Many years of pain and suffering, two ectopic pregnancies (and one surviving tube) later, I begin my battle with becoming a mother.
According to my doctor approximately four months ago, there was thought that the Endometriosis was getting serious enough that it would invade my uterus, causing Adenomyosis. In my case, this would result in the need for a Hysterectomy (removal of my uterus all together). I was told that my options were to be put into chemical menopause (using Lupron injections) to stall the Endo, then get pregnant, or to take my chances and possibly never have children. If you know me, you know that the latter wasn't an option at all.
I was at a fragile point in my relationship with my boyfriend Chris. Things were fabulous but it was still fairly new to both of us. I weighed my options and decided that if I needed to use a sperm bank to help me conceive that I would do just that. As the months of testing and treatments came along Chris made it clear that he was also a part of this and we were going to embark on this journey together. We'd been living together and things had been (and still are) amazing.
In September and October of 2008 I had injections of Lupron that forced me into chemical menopause. Month 1 was beyond hell. The bleeding and the pain were unlike anything I'd ever experienced. After the hemorrhaging came the hot flashes, and the night sweats. The uncontrollable hunger, the mood swings. I didn't even feel like me. I was reassured by my doctor that this would pass during month two. Not only was he wrong, but the side effects increased. Chris and I decided after the second injection that we would forgo the third and TTC immediately. This proved to be easier said than done.
My last injection was Oct 21st. November came and went and my menstrual cycle was still missing in action. December 7th finally came around and I was overjoyed to see that my period had returned. As instructed I had begun to take my BBT (basal body temperature) every morning upon waking and had started to chart those as well as use a fertility monitor. On day 14 of this cycle I felt crampy but was hopeful that it was ovulation pain. The next morning I awoke to bleeding again. I thought to myself, a fifteen day cycle? There's no way! This period was much heavier than the first and I called my doctor. He assured me that the first period I'd had wasn't a "period" at all. He suspected it was mid cycle bleeding from the Lupron getting out of my system. He's the doctor, and so I trusted his judgement.
I got back to charting and using the monitor, cycle day 17 rolls around and my monitor and temps still aren't detecting ovulation. How could this be?? The next morning, I again awoke to bleeding. This was it, I called my doctor who instructed me to wait at least another month and a half and if I wanted, he'd call in progesterone pills. This made no sense to me given my knowledge as an RN. So I decided to get a second opinion. The doctor I transferred to was a wonderful physician I'd worked with during my internship in Labor and Delivery. I'd seen him and his colleagues all in action and was more than pleased with what I saw and heard.
I had my first appointment with Dr. T on January 9, 2009. After viewing my charts and my bloodwork, he agreed that waiting was the wrong answer. The short cycles were allowing the endometriosis to flare up and become worse every two weeks. He scheduled an HSG for early the next week, and voiced his opinion that at this point, my best option was to see a RE and have trigger shots and IUI to get pregnant as soon as possible. This brings us to today, the beginning of my journey to save my reproductive system and become the mother I have always hoped to be.