Life is Cruel

Just when you're handed your dream come true.. someone comes along and rips it apart. The doctor just called and my beta went from 385 to 405 and my progesterone dropped to 8. This means that our baby isn't going to make it. It means that any day now my body is going to start the process of the miscarriage and all my worst nightmares have come true. I had never seen Chris cry until tonight, and it was a truly humbling experience. We wanted this baby more than anything in the world. People who have no right having children pop them out left and right and we are two genuinely loving people who want a family and just keep getting slapped in the face. I don't know how I'll recover from this honestly.. I don't know if I will. I need time.. a lot of time. Time spent away from people I love who have children, away from happy stories of pregnancy. Just when I was so excited I got to join a due date club, I had to bow out and delete everything. My pregnancy ticker, my "due in november" blinkie. Just everything. I want so much to just keep this baby growing in me but know it's not a reality. My heart is beyond broken. I can't imagine what I did in life that was so awful that I deserve all this. I just don't get it....