The Waiting Game

Today was awful. I didn't get to talk to my own doctor because he is out of the office, but the nurse spoke with one of the other doctors in the practice whom I also know from my internship. She agrees that this isn't an ectopic pregnancy, but also says she believes it is, indeed, a miscarriage. My numbers are barely rising, and my progesterone has plummeted. Today I started with some serious cramping. Lots of discomfort, no bleeding. It makes me wonder if this nightmare is beginning. I have to go back tomorrow for more bloodwork just to double check my numbers, and possibly schedule a D&C . The benefit to having a D&C versus a regular natural miscarriage is, as barbaric as it sounds, the removed tissue can be sent for testing to find out if it was a chromosomal disorder, or a clotting factor problem, etc. A D&C would mean we needed to wait two cycles to try again.

They would put me out for the procedure and I would go home later that day. A natural miscarriage is just that. It is unknown when it could/would start. Could be days, weeks, etc. I just don't think I can walk around for three weeks not knowing when it was going to happen, and with a D&C we would also get some answers.

Unfortunately this happened at an awful time. Chris is going in for surgery on his nose and throat on monday. He is going to be out of commission for about a week so we need to make sure I will be able to drive him to surgery and he will be able to drive me to the D&C. It's just always bad timing. I'm praying that this is all in vain and that we won't need to worry about it all, but I'm also trying to be realistic.

My pregnancy symptoms are really starting to show up. I'm a little nauseous, my breasts are swollen and sore, I'm retaining fluids. It just hurts that I am getting all these symptoms but will never get to meet the little person in my womb who is creating it all. I have some hope that maybe tomorrow's numbers will show some drastic increase, but I'm trying to be realistic. The past results combined with today's change in pain, and cramps. At this point I've got to just let go and let god.