It's funny how life happens...

Well it's been a long time, blog. Last time we talked I was pregnant and just feeling bean kick. Now bean jumps on me and kicks me from the outside, talks up a storm.. and makes me melt as a mother.

On November 11, 2009 I went to my post dates ultrasound and biophysical profile. My doctor had told me that if my AFI (amniotic fluid index) was less than 7 he was going to keep me and induce me with cervidil overnight with pitocin in the morning. We packed bags (just in case) and went on our merry way. While watching the ultrasound I noticed it looked like baby was against all sides of the uterus with no fluid to be measured... but what do I know? ;) The tech continued to search all over and was able to find a measurable pocket between the baby's chin and chest. I joked when she finished and said "well, the magic number was 7, what was it?" and she answered "3". My heart sunk.. I knew we were heading to have a baby but even though overdue I couldn't help but feeling like it wasn't time.

Over to L&D we headed.. and had cervidil inserted. While it made me crampy it didn't cause any significant discomfort. We didn't tell anyone we were there because we didn't need the constant texting and questions from people at home waiting. We both got broken sleep and before cervidil I was a fingertip dilated.. but bean's head had been at a 0 station for months.

The next morning I was 1cm dilated, no big change at all. I had high hopes we would be able to break my water, and I'd be able to walk myself into labor but my doctor wasn't so sure (and he's the doctor I hired and I trusted his judgement). They started pitocin and from my own knowledge as a labor and delivery nurse (oh wait, did I miss that part?? I got a full time L&D position, we built a brand new house, and everything was wonderful!) I had thought I needed to be 3cm to get an epidural so that's what I was aiming for. At some point, I decided to get into the tub and it was the best idea ever. I stayed there for a few hours.. breathing through contractions. They got significantly worse and my nurse came in to increase the dose and I asked her not to. Mandy and I had gone to nursing school together and I'd known her for quite some time. I told her that if she turned it up (It was already at 20!) that I'd lose all ability to cope and I'd be no good to anyone. I also asked her to let anesthesia know I wanted an epidural. I got out of the tub, and once the water dropped below my belly it was like all hell broke lose. I was crying, wailing, moaning. It was pretty awful.... but for some reason between contractions I thought showering would be a great idea. So off I went into the shower and I'm shampooing my hair and BAM.. another one hit. I was hanging from the shower doors like a gorilla, moaning and crying. Back to bed I went and anesthesia came in to do my epidural. My doctor came in to check on me and I told him we couldn't be friends anymore.. and asked why he let me do this. LOL. Side note, Chris said he waited all 10cm for me to tell him I hated him and it was all his fault.

So, epidural in (and ridiculously dense.. I ended up having anesthesia turn the pump down twice because I couldn't even feel my chin at first), my doc came in and checked me. 3cm. REALLY?! all that.. and only 3cm? He broke my water.. or lack thereof. I looked down and it was barely a puddle. Oh well, that's why I was here anyway! So about 45 minutes later Mandy (my labor nurse) was in my room and I looked at her and said "This kid is doing something in there.. it feels weird". She looked at me and shook her head like I was crazy. So I waited through another contraction and told her "I think it's turning it's head".. she said "Don't be THAT nurse". Hahahahahaha. I knew EXACTLY what she meant, but told her I wasn't joking. So she said she'd check me to make me feel better................................... Complete. NO cervix, 10cm. She just blinked at me. I went from 3-10cm in 45 minutes.

She told me pushing would likely take a while since it was my first and I had been so numb and still had dead legs. She asked me to give a push, then told me to stop and put the call light on and asked for the doctor and a table. YAY!

10 minutes later I became a mother to the most beautiful child in the world. I quickly asked "well?? boy or girl?" but everyone was too busy admiring how adorable the baby was. Finally Chris looked at me and said ..........................................


"It's a boy... we have a son." with tears in his eyes. It was the most beautiful moment of my life thus far.

Owen Robert was born November 12, 2009 @ 4:41pm.

He is now coming up quickly on his 2nd birthday.. although I'm not sure how that happened because I feel like just yesterday I was nursing him in the hospital bed.

On my first mother's day (May 2010) Chris asked me to marry him and now we have a wedding planned for June 2, 2012. It really is funny how life happens. I am truly blessed.

Everybody's workin for the weekend...

So I started a new job this week.. basically I work 7a-5p Monday thru Friday. I work at an OB/GYN office which is fabulous. Things are going well, it's just a big adjustment for me. I miss Chris, I miss the dogs, but hey.. this is life.

The other new thing this week is feeling bean move. It is nothing like people tell me. A lot of girls on my message board said it feels like flutters, or a balloon touching your belly. Nope, not my baby.. hahaha. I went to bend over to pick something up from under my desk and this baby went NUTS. Tossing and turning and rolling.. he/she was NOT happy with the situation. So I sat back and laughed. One of our docs walked by and asked what was going on. I told her that although people say it's like flutters.. this baby punches/kicks. I explained it to her and she said "Then YUP.. that's the baby" :) It is truly amazing to feel this baby move, we are truly blessed. I've been consistently finding the heartbeat on the doppler I have here at home and have only been using it once a week because that is also on the list of things the bean does not like... but tough! ;)

Last night was date night since I worked like a slave all week. We did the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, it was delish. Too bad at 8:30pm on the drive home I was already passing out sitting up in the car. We got home, and I went right to sleep. It totally kills your weekends when you're so exhausted you just crave your pillow and bed. I know that things will get better and in about six months, I will have the ability to stay home with bean, and honestly I couldn't ask for anything more.

So today's update is that we are doing well, things are going great, and we are moving through our fourth month of pregnancy. Althought I do love being pregnant now, I really can't wait to meet this little person I'm growing in my womb.

Much Needed Update

Well, it's been far too long since my last update. The first trimester was (YES, WAS!) exhausting for me. I found it overwhelming to get dressed, and even shower. Thankfully, I'm starting to feel better and I even start a new job on Monday!!

I am 12 weeks 2 days pregnant today! We had an ultrasound for our first trimester screen today and baby is actually measuring 3 days ahead! GROW BEAN GROW!! Chris and his mom both came today since she's a teacher and has the week off from school. It turned out to be a great appointment.. they said the nuchal fold was so thin it was difficult to even measure it which is fabulous! My great uncle had down's syndrome so they would like to do this test even though it would not affect our choice to have this baby.

I think part of my reasoning for not updating my blog was the gut wrenching fear that I would jinx myself and the baby by saying things were going well. At the urging of girls on my boards I am here now to show you all how beautiful bean has gotten and how wonderful this pregnancy has gone especially since the doctors had a "gut feeling" I would miscarry. We're really showing them!!

So here goes.. here is my belly ..

6w3d: 12 weeks even:

and here is Bean... at 12w2d but measuring ahead. :)

Bean is clearly showing you "dis.. is mah toes!"

and here is bean's face profile being dramatic with his/her hand on their forehead.

We are truly blessed and we know this. We know this baby is nothing short of a miracle, and we embrace that. I promise to be more diligent about updating but since I'll be working lots of hours expect an update about once a week with a belly shot and all ;) Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

Long time.. lots of updating.

The day after Chris' surgery we were having another u/s and weren't sure if he'd be up to going. Turns out he was DETERMINED to see the bean and he did, in fact, make it. We saw bean's BEAUTIFUL heartbeat.. beating at 129 bpm!! Truly amazing. This baby is a miracle for us, and we know we are blessed.

Baby Bean at 6 weeks...

Baby Bean at 7 weeks....

We have told all of our friends/family at this point and the general concensus is excitement. We told my step mother last night and although she was shocked at first and after explaination she was super excited and even expressed interest in being in the delivery room. We're very happy but cautiously so. Some of our friends who were due the same week suffered a terrible loss of their pregnancy last week and that really hits home. I'm keeping them in our thoughts and prayers along with our own little one.

Pregnancy is much different than I imagined. I'm more than excited to have a life growing inside of me, but it is draining. Today i'm suffering from some sort of head cold/infection. I'm sick, I'm not sleeping well, and this baby just drains my energy. I truly hope I'm feeling significantly more awake and energetic when I start work in a few weeks. Right now our upcoming appointments include another ultrasound on 4/6 (1 day shy of 9 weeks) and my appointment for cultures, and pap smears and other fun-ness on the 27th. I will try to be better about updating... but I've been feeling like complete crapola so bear with me :)

Nerves

Beta 3/13: 2055.6
Progesterone: 12

Beta 3/15: 4400!
Progesterone: 16

Grow baby grow!

Today has been filled with nerves. Chris had surgery this morning. He had a septoplasty, a turbinate reduction and uvuloplasty. For those of you who don't speak medical jargon that means they went in his nostrils, cut stuff out, re-shaped it and cut off the hangy ball in the back of his throat. This was all done to treat sleep apnea. He had a somewhat mild/moderate case but really would rather have it over and done with. He's bleeding a lot from his nose and has a dressing over it that I'm changing every half hour to 45 minutes. I guess that's a benefit to your girlfriend being a nurse. He seems to be sore but not much pain... he's due for pain meds again in about 45 minutes. The doctor told him the pain will get worse in the next 72 hours. Unfortunately this means that Chris may not get to come with me tomorrow to the ultrasound. Part of me wants him to stay home and be safe, part of me doesn't want him to miss what (hopefully) will be an important day, part of me doesn't want him to be home alone, and part of me knows if we get bad news that I don't want him to be having to ride in the car, etc. It has been a nervewracking day.

It's hard for me. I think I read too much into things. The message a nurse from my dr's office left on my voicemail today said "just want to make sure you know the signs/symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy." Why won't they even PRETEND to have hope? I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but it's difficult given our position. I don't think Chris will feel like he can breathe easily until we see a heartbeat. He was so heartbroken when they told us this baby wasn't going to make it. I just hope tomorrow if he can't come that when I get home I'll have pictures to show him of "baby bean". I'm going to pray more tonight.. for us.. for this baby, for our family... and hope that God knows what's right. This baby is a blessing to us... I just pray we get to meet him/her and tell them this in person.

The Power of Prayer

So at my last update, the doctor had labeled this a miscarriage. My level was 405 and my D&C was scheduled for today Friday the 13th. On Wednesday the nurse called with my beta level and told me "756" I sat there with my mouth agape. That's more than 85% increase. I asked her what the next step was and she said "probably the same thing" meaning my D&C was still on. I told her no thanks and asked her to cancel it. My progesterone had dropped from 22 to 8.7 to 7.9. I asked Dr. T to call in progesterone suppositories for me just in case. Over the next 48 hours I had a million thoughts run through my head. Dr. T still thought it would be a miscarriage but wouldn't do a D&C because he couldn't rule out that it still might be a viable pregnancy. SOO.. more bloodwork was ordered for today.
We have had people all over the world praying for us. CYC/NEBYC/YLC people, people from my message boards, complete strangers, friends, and family. I have prayed harder for this baby than I've ever prayed in my entire life. Not only did I pray to god, but I also asked my dad to help. He knows how much I've always wanted to be a mother and how appropriate would it have been for him to also have a hand in this?

So today I waited around with knots in my stomach waiting for 1:30pm to roll around. At just after noon, the phone rang, I was SHOCKED. It is lunchtime at the office so why would they be calling? The nurse on the other end asked how I was doing, and I told her okay. She proceeded with "well, the numbers are going up" and I waited. Up could have been 1000 or even 800. So I sucked it up and asked the question. "What was the level?" She answered..... 2055.8. That is more than doubling!!!!!!!!!!!! The power of prayer is amazing. My progesterone level is up to 12 which is better since I've been using the progesterone supplements. Please keep praying! We are ecstatic, but cautiously so. We're hoping for the best but preparing for the worst... our ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday and we are hoping to see a sac and maybe a baby bean... please keep your fingers crossed! GROW BABY GROW!!!

So true...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ


.......Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.

I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,What I'd give up!

I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."



Thank you to Jamie for sharing this with me. <3

The Waiting Game

Today was awful. I didn't get to talk to my own doctor because he is out of the office, but the nurse spoke with one of the other doctors in the practice whom I also know from my internship. She agrees that this isn't an ectopic pregnancy, but also says she believes it is, indeed, a miscarriage. My numbers are barely rising, and my progesterone has plummeted. Today I started with some serious cramping. Lots of discomfort, no bleeding. It makes me wonder if this nightmare is beginning. I have to go back tomorrow for more bloodwork just to double check my numbers, and possibly schedule a D&C . The benefit to having a D&C versus a regular natural miscarriage is, as barbaric as it sounds, the removed tissue can be sent for testing to find out if it was a chromosomal disorder, or a clotting factor problem, etc. A D&C would mean we needed to wait two cycles to try again.

They would put me out for the procedure and I would go home later that day. A natural miscarriage is just that. It is unknown when it could/would start. Could be days, weeks, etc. I just don't think I can walk around for three weeks not knowing when it was going to happen, and with a D&C we would also get some answers.

Unfortunately this happened at an awful time. Chris is going in for surgery on his nose and throat on monday. He is going to be out of commission for about a week so we need to make sure I will be able to drive him to surgery and he will be able to drive me to the D&C. It's just always bad timing. I'm praying that this is all in vain and that we won't need to worry about it all, but I'm also trying to be realistic.

My pregnancy symptoms are really starting to show up. I'm a little nauseous, my breasts are swollen and sore, I'm retaining fluids. It just hurts that I am getting all these symptoms but will never get to meet the little person in my womb who is creating it all. I have some hope that maybe tomorrow's numbers will show some drastic increase, but I'm trying to be realistic. The past results combined with today's change in pain, and cramps. At this point I've got to just let go and let god.

Life is Cruel

Just when you're handed your dream come true.. someone comes along and rips it apart. The doctor just called and my beta went from 385 to 405 and my progesterone dropped to 8. This means that our baby isn't going to make it. It means that any day now my body is going to start the process of the miscarriage and all my worst nightmares have come true. I had never seen Chris cry until tonight, and it was a truly humbling experience. We wanted this baby more than anything in the world. People who have no right having children pop them out left and right and we are two genuinely loving people who want a family and just keep getting slapped in the face. I don't know how I'll recover from this honestly.. I don't know if I will. I need time.. a lot of time. Time spent away from people I love who have children, away from happy stories of pregnancy. Just when I was so excited I got to join a due date club, I had to bow out and delete everything. My pregnancy ticker, my "due in november" blinkie. Just everything. I want so much to just keep this baby growing in me but know it's not a reality. My heart is beyond broken. I can't imagine what I did in life that was so awful that I deserve all this. I just don't get it....

Just when you think...

That things are going your way, life throws you a curveball. My numbers had been tripling and quadrupling so far and then thursday they told me my numbers barely doubled. They didn't sound concerned so I tried to stay positive. Yesterday (Saturday, 3/7) I went for another beta level and got the phone call around 4:45pm from the Dr. covering for my practice telling me that my numbers barely went up. They went from 357 to 385 in 48 hours. That is not good news. I began to sob and through crying the pain i've been having in my left side became worse. Chris and I headed off to the ER for bloodwork and an ultrasound. They cannot say with certainty that this is not an ectopic pregnancy. The ultrasound showed a 2cmX1.3cm cyst on my left ovary that they're eyeing. I'm staying positive and praying harder than i've ever prayed in my life. This baby means so much to Chris and I already that my heart is breaking at the mere possibility of this pregnancy not making it. They drew my level last night in the ER and it was 427 but because it was a different hospital they can't say that it actually went up, but if it was accurate.. that means my level increased more in that 7 hours then it did in the prior 48. I'm hoping this is a fluke thing and the baby was too sleepy to grow a lot over those days. I'm grasping at any straw to make this situation better. You'll have to excuse me if I'm not around to update for a few days. We'll see how tomorrow's blood draw goes.
What puzzles me is my progesterone level was 22 last week. That suggests there is something going on in my uterus, and they say that a level over 20 means a less than 1% chance of ectopic pregnancy so what gives?
To add to this downhill spiral, I still haven't heard back from the job I interviewed for. So please, keep Chris, this baby, and I in your thoughts and prayers. It means the world to us.

What a DAY!

Friday 2/27. I decided was going to be a pamper me day. I was due to test that morning and in the case of a negative test I knew I'd need some sprucing up. SO! I made a hair and mani/pedi appointment. I woke up that morning and tested.. BFN. no surprise there. I stayed in bed for a while just typing on the computer.. then BAM.. the power went out. So I played solitaire thinking.. WTF.. seriously. Why me.

I got up, and went to the bathroom to throw the test away and as I was going to put it in the trash I thought I might have seen something.. so I took it apart, took pictures, and this is what it looked like..

I thought wow, Beck, you're seriously grasping straws. My friend Jenn encouraged me to call my OB for blood work, even though I felt like a shmoe. I did so, and drove like a bat out of hell to the office almost 40 minutes away to get them drawn. An hour later, they FINALLY took my blood and I was on my way to my hair salon. Earlier that morning a girl on my message board had mentioned she got a BFP on a dollar tree test at 8DPO (I was 9DPO) So I looked up on my GPS where there was a dollar tree and went to snag a test before my hair. I bought that and about 100lbs of candy cause I was so nervous. Off to my hair I went, waiting for my STAT blood results to be in, and I went into the salon bathroom and took the test. I sat down eating my Wendy's Chicken nuggets and almost peed myself. I was CONVINCED there were two lines. I waited and waited for the doctor to call and she finally called and said this....

HCG/Beta: 16.3

Progesterone: 13

This meant.. I wasn't seeing things. I am PREGNANT! I never imagined it would happen so quickly, but I'm more than thankful it has. Since that time I've peed on about 10 sticks.. just to see the lines get darker:

Today I had my second set of bloods drawn (I need bloods every 2 days because of my high risk status due to the 2 previous ectopic pregnancies) the results were great

HCG/Beta: 59

Progesterone: 17

They like to see the HCG double every 48 hours and mine has exceeded that and progesterone anything above 9 is normal but they like to see it at 20. It's still uber early so depending on Tuesdays blood results I may end up on progesterone suppositories. Whatever helps this bean stick, is fine with me!! Thank you all for reading, and keeping up. I'm going to be more diligent about it now that I have good things to write about (or I at least hope!). Thanks for all your blessings and well wishes! I should also add that we are NOT telling family until we see a heartbeat so please keep it to yourselves ;)

Gainful Employment

Seeking gainful employment has been my main focus even BEFORE jerkface RE said so. In fact, the day after our appointment I had an interview at an OB/GYN office about 30 minutes north of here. It went fabulous. It's benefitted at 32 hours and I can work as few or as many hours as I want as long as shifts are covered. 2 weeks vacation, earned time, 8 paid holidays, 401k. I could go on all day. My main jobs would be phone triage, surgical assists, and the occasional IV insertion. I can handle that, no problem. They're also offering me seriously competitive wages. I'm super excited. I wasn't even home for 10 minutes after the interview and they were calling me to ask me to come back this Wednesday to meet the owners of the practice. Keep your fingers crossed that this is it!!!! This would be an ideal job for me.. for us! And.. keep reading. ;)

RE Nightmare

Well I'm quite behind with my updates but things have been crazy here! Last week (2/24) we went to our reproductive endocrinologist.. you know, the one I paid $300 out of pocket just to SCHEDULE? Yes, this one. So prior to going to the appointment Chris and I filled out their 6 page each forms, asking everything you could ever imagine. They had to be in two weeks before the appointment so the doctor could read them and they were in prior to that. Upon walking into the office, it was apparent he wasn't interested in helping us. We're young, and we're not married. In fact, he said.. and I quote "What you should be doing is seeking gainful employment." Little did he know.
He didn't ASK if we could afford it out of pocket, he didn't care really at all. He also informed me that the ultrasound that Dr. G (previous OB) did in September showed clear pockets of adenomyosis in my uterine wall... the exact thing we are trying to prevent. Thrilling. We left upset. Me hurt, and upset, and PISSED. Chris was flat out disgusted. I don't know how people like this can be in that field but Dr. T (current OB) told me that most RE are somewhat like that because they're more scientific than anything.. not so huggable. That's fine.. I'm just glad I have an OB I love.

Ohhh what a beautiful MORRRNING, Ohh what a beautiful DAY!

So here I am.. after a few days absence. I will catch you up with pictures. First of all, Valentine's Day. Chris' birthday was January 6th, and I know how much he DESPISES planning things so I bought him Blue Man Group tickets that were for Valentine's Day, and my sister bought us a PF Chang's gift certificate for Christmas. HOW PERFECT! I had bought a really adorable dress for the cruise and due to intoxicating circumstances we didn't attend the second formal night and the dress never got worn! We decided we would dress up so I could wear that dress. It was chilly, but I lived. To level off the evening, right outside of Chang's is Coldstone Creamery and for those of you who haven't had their ice cream.. tread lightly, I'm fairly certain they put crack in it. I usually get cake batter ice cream with yellow cake and rainbow jimmies, delish! It was overall an amazing evening.. and here is a picture we took. It's ghetto, in-the-parking-garage, freezing but took my coat off anyway, goofy us, self portrait. but I love it :)

That brings us today, and the main reason for my choice of blog title for today. I blogged recently that I've been a crampy mess since CD1 this cycle, well after a very strange dream last night about be having a baby boy, I awoke to no cramps. My bloating felt gone and my abdomen just felt.. different, I really can't explain it. So I temped, it was down a little bit so I didn't think anything of it. Then I went into the bathroom as usual and peed on the almighty monitor stick. As soon as I went to put it in the monitor I noticed two lines appearing.. trying not to get my hopes up, I grabbed the monitor and went back to bed. It takes a while for the mini scientists to evaluate my pee so I like to relax. Then... it happened.

I almost died. Could it seriously be??? A PEAK READING ON THE FERTILITY MONITOR??? I think SO! We BDed last night/early early this morning so that's a great thing. I laid with my feet up for around 40 minutes. But because I'm me, and I'm OCD.. I went upstairs to grab a digital OPK.. I couldn't be happier to report that......

I'm OVULATING!!!!! I really hope this is it. I'm going to take it easy today and bask in the glory of the fact that I actually ovulated, and take each next day as it comes :) Thanks for reading! xox

Ovulation or Overexposure

Hahaha, just a quick post today. It's CD10 for those of you keeping track. That means today starts a BD fest. Every other day til ovulation. Normally a temperature dip means ovulation, but when I awoke this morning, I realized that Christopher had stripped ALL of the king sized sheets and blankets off my body in the middle of the night. He likes to cocoon himself in every inch of them. My temperature was 97.99, but I'm fairly certain it was due to the fact that my flesh was like ice. I'd been exposed to the fan with the heat only at 60. Either way, I made sure we covered our bases just in case! Hope you all are having a fabulous week... Valentine's Day is coming!!

Cramptastic Voyage

I'm a charting fool first of all. For those of you familiar.. stalk my chart here: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/rebeccar
For those of you unfamiliar, let me explain in gory painstaking detail. Every morning at 7:30am my alarm goes off to take my temp. I don't need to be up at that hour, but your basal body temperature needs to be taken when you first wake up, before you pee.. move.. or do anything. So I decided 7:30am was appropriate because it's earlier than I'd normally wake up (this is before hormonal medications.. now I wake up at whacked out hours) so I'd just be waking up.
The oh-so-entertaining part of temping for me is that I am a mouth breather at night a lot of times, which means my temperature can't accurately be obtained in my mouth. Therefore I take my temp vaginally every morning. I must admit to dozing off for a few minutes with the thermometer in there once or twice but it never caused injury ;) On top of temping every morning, I use a clearblue easy fertility monitor. I set it on the first day of my period every cycle, and every day it changes day numbers. According to the previous cycle it will ask me to POAS (Pee On A Stick.. for those of you less informed). I pee on said stick and put the test stick into the monitor. After the microscopic scientists inside evaluate the hormone levels in my urine, it spits out a fertility reading- either low, high, or peak. The *high* reading however sounds misleading. I had a full week of high readings and didn't ovulate one cycle. It just means some hormone increased in your body.
The pretty *peak* reading with the egg symbol is what you're striving for. I've yet to see that symbol. I'm hoping in the next few days I will, however. Maybe for Valentine's Day?? So after I go back to sleep after the battery of morning tests, I wake up (for good this time) and I log onto my chart online and I enter my temperature, my fertility monitor reading, and any symptoms I may be experiencing. This helps the charting software detect if I may be ovulating. The last 9 days have had one thing in common.............. CRAMPS.
I'm a cramp pro. I've battled with endometriosis for 13+ years.. cramps and I are old friends. I've had what's felt like period cramps every day. My bleeding stopped CD4 which is unheard of for me, so I'm hopeful. I've been bloated, crampy, and had major headaches all week, but if this works, it will all be worth it. Normally I'd cramp the day or few days before my period (in the charting world.. it's called AF for Aunt Flo). It feels like I should still be bleeding but I'm not so I can only hope that the cramping is producing a bunch of juicy follicles that will produce eggs and allow us to conceive.
If this doesn't happen we have an appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist on February 24th. We finished filling out the lengthy paperwork the other night, and I sent it yesterday. I'm fairly certain the only thing they didn't ask was my shoe size. As I've said before, I'm hopeful, but skeptically so. Please keep your fingers crossed for us.... xox :)

CD4~Clomid day two

Clomid is not exactly up to par with rainbow farting unicorns if you catch my drift. I don't know if it's just an overly uncomfortable cycle, or if this is clomidtastic. I'm crampy, I feel bloated, I just feel... off. A friend of mine who has two blocked tubes and her husband has low motility just got her BFP! I'm so happy for her, and it seems like something is in the water. She's #3 in the online group to get a BFP recently.
I'm doing the pre-ovulational panic. Are we going to BD on the right days? Is this going to be it?? Are we going to have to go through the IUI, or possibly further? I'm trying to stay calm, and positive but you can't help but stress when all the online chatter turns to success.
I guess my big worry is .. great.. clomid will help me ovulate. But what if the only follicles I get are on my right ovary? I don't have a right fallopian tube, so the ovulation will be useless. I guess I just worry too much. The cruise was great for getting my mind off of things but now I'm back to the daily grind. Maybe pictures of the cruise will help? lol.................

orrr.. maybe not. Just reminds me how bitterly cold it is here, and how beautifully warm it was on the islands. I think today is a bubble bath day... I hope tomorrow things feel better. xox

Cruise, Clomid, Cycles, Oh MY!

After spending a blissfull week in the Carribbean, we are back to reality. Our RE appointment is scheduled for February 24th and strangely enough, if I ovulate on time, that would be the first day a HPT would be able to say if I'm pregnant or not. I'm praying that we don't have to go that route, but will take whatever I'm handed.
While on the cruise I was faithful with my OPKs (Ovulation prediction kits) and all returned a negative status which meant I hadn't ovulated. Strangely enough when we returned to solid ground, I missed two days of OPKs (CD20, 21) and started temping again on CD23 and got a CLEARLY post-ovulation temperature of 98.8+ So I did ovulate at some point that cycle and as you might already notice... I made it past day 17 of a cycle!! I had a NORMAL cycle for me this time around. That is 26 days. Now AF is back and I start my first round of clomid tomorrow morning. I hope this is it for us, the misery I've been suffering with the pain is something to write about, but for now I'll save you the horror. Just wanted to update quick, and now that things are back to normal I'll be updating regularly again.... thanks for reading ;)

The Official Results are IN!

I swear that Dr. T is psychic. I was picking up the phone to call him about something and it rang. It was him. Calling to say that my one tube is clear of any obstructions and that I didn't regrow a right tube which is also good. I told him the procedure hurt like hell and he said yeah, some people have that experience. I also expressed my concern about the cost of the RE and he said that sounded a little ridiculous, considering they wouldn't even BOOK the appointment til the $300 was paid. So I opted to do clomid next cycle to make me ovulate, and if that isn't successful I will then have enough money saved to pursue IUI. Either way, this is a step in the right direction. Even the old doctor agreed that I cannot stay in this state much longer without risking the health of my reproductive system. The clomid has been called in and I will pick it up before the cruise next week. Should I have a 17 day cycle again, I will have it available to start taking days 3-7 of next cycle, and if I have an actual ovulatory cycle I will hopefully get pregnant without it.
So to recap, tube is clear, clomid is prescribed. HSGs have a high chance of pregnancy post procedure because a lot of times they blow any tissue out of the tube making it super clear. So let's hope it's either this cycle or next!!

HSG

This morning at about 8:30am I received the call that they had availability to do my HSG but today and today only. I asked about the latest appointment they had and was told 2pm. I booked it late in hopes that Chris could duck out of work early to come with me. Thankfully, this was the case.

After receiving my oh so stylish johnny and robe, I changed.. leaving on my Nike Shox per the nurses request. Strange. I got on the table, and was informed that the plastic speculums were on backorder. OH THE THRILL. The freezing cold metal speculum was the least of the procedure. The breaching my cervix was one of the most awful feelings ever.. until they inflated the catheter balloon in my uterus. I screamed in pain and they proceeded to check placement and inject dye. For approximately three minutes I pondered if death would have been a better situation. To say it was painful is putting it mildly. I nearly broke Chris' fingers while squeezing in pain. Looking back now, I wonder if some of the pain was because the spot they inject and the amount used is for two tubes. I only have one. Possibly the amount of fluid increased the pressure and the scar tissue where my right tube used to be was stretched? Anything is possible but the bottom line is that my one healthy tube is just that... healthy. From what the doctor could tell, it is free of occlusions. Thank the lord for this positive news.

On that note, I feel like someone drove a mack truck through my cervix so I'm going to take it easy.. I'll update as I know more info. xox